“Rebuilding your beliefs on a foundation of truth”: Understanding betrayal trauma

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Show Notes

CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), return to the podcast today to continue our series on pornography and sexuality. If you haven’t listened to the first two episodes in this series, I encourage you to check out those episodes first, get to know Brent and Nicole’s story, then return to hear today’s episode as we explore the concept of betrayal trauma in the context of marriage and romantic relationships.

In this episode, we discuss how the symptoms and effects of betrayal trauma present uniquely in different individuals, then Brent and Nicole share their personal experiences with betrayal trauma. The Breinings remind us that this betrayal trauma falls under the category of inevitable struggles Jesus promised we’d face in this life, but they remind us of our hope we have in Him.

Check out the various resources mentioned throughout this episode:  

• Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal by Dr. Barbara Steffens 
• Struggle Well by Ken Falke and Josh Goldberg  
• Pure Desire Ministries, through which Brent and Nicole help men and women heal from unwanted sexual behaviors and their repercussions 

As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. Have you experienced hurt that has prompted you to question God’s goodness? How did you work through that doubt?
2. How might a desire for control over your own life be connected to betrayal trauma?
3. How do traumatic experiences shake your understanding of your core beliefs?
4. What is the value of processing past traumatic experiences to better understand your reactions to present circumstances that might result in trauma?
5. Nicole shares several things she found helpful in her recovery from betrayal trauma: finding community she could trust, practicing self-care, educating herself about sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, not rushing into big decisions when working through betrayal trauma, and creating boundaries for safety. What practical ways within those categories might you be able to work through or help a loved one work through betrayal trauma?